Five Times Phichit Chulanont Accidentally Fucked Up
by gayzula
Summary: ...And One Time He Did It On Purpose. In which Phichit has a style, Viktor is too curious for his own (and his boyfriend's) good, and Yuuri is 127% done with everyone's shit.


_0._

There are things in this world, that you just don't understand. They exist, and you don't really get why, but still, you don't fail to appreciate the creativity of the trainwreck called humanity. People are weird, and he learned to accept that.

It's a thing.

Now Viktor likes to think himself a fairly open-minded person, but there are things... well. He'd rather not grace them with description. But being a brave, adventurous soul that he is, from time to time, he _likes_ to step out of his comfort zone and _embrace_ the sheer weirdness of real person fanfiction.

Someone's _gotta_ connect with their fanbase, right?

Viktor is a good person. It's not a bad thing, that he interacts with his fans on social media. It's not a bad thing, that he clicked the link he was sent. It's not a bad thing, that he discovered this magical place called archiveofourown dot org and found liking for writing of one of Phichit's fans, registered under username _fabulouschulanont_. This person has a very unique style of writing - lighearted and captivating. Viktor can appreciate all the hard work poured into their stories.

That he is currently, at 3 am, logged in his own account with username _fluffydoglover_ , that- _shut up_ -that is _irrelevant_ , and _don't judge him, okay!_

Because for all the lack of his understanding, he _tries_. And he's getting there. It's a work in progress. And _that's_ what counts, after all, doesn't it.

Viktor would like to think so.

* * *

 _1._

"Yuuri," he says one evening while cuddling on a couch, not paying attention to the movie they're watching - he has more important things on his mind, after all, "you were a fan."

Which earns him an unimpressed eyebrow raise, as if saying, _Yes. And?_

"Then you will surely understand why!" he exclaims. "And explain it to me."

Sometimes, Viktor feels the need to pat himself on the back for his inner genius.

"What," _the fuck,_ Viktor hears the silent addition, "are you on about this time?"

"I guess I can understand why someone would write a scenario of meeting me," he muses, "and a short story about us is understandable - we _are_ a couple, after all. And a cute one at that," he winks.

"Viktor, are you-"

"What I can't understand, however," Viktor gazes into the distance, dramatically, "is _why_ would anyone want to write about _me having Chris' babies!_ -No offence to Chris."

Yuuri doesn't even as much as bat an eyebrow, clearly used to Viktor's manners by now. "I _told you_ to stop the minute you encounter anything weird - which, surprisingly, took more that I had expected - not go digging deeper."

"But I'm putting so much effort into connecting with my fanbase!"

Yuuri rolls his eyes. "Of course you do," he says with a sigh, eyes soft.

Viktor beams at him. He knew his amazing boyfriend would understand! "Now, start explaining."

And, to everyone's horror, Yuuri introduced Viktor to the wonders of mpreg trope.

* * *

 _2._

"I think I like these... 'AU's better," Viktor proclaims not two weeks after their last conversation. "It's like we're an inspiration for these characters, but it's not 100% us? If that makes sense."

Silence.

"Yuuri," he shakes Yuuri's shoulders.

"Yuuri are you listening?"

One eye opens and gazes towards the digital clock at the bedside drawer. "You know I love you, Nikiforov, but if you don't shut up about fanfiction at 3 am, _there will be consequences."_

Viktor does not let out an 'eep' - it was more of a manly gasp, if you ask him. Then, because Viktor is a smart cookie, he does the smart thing and says, "Alright, alright," kisses Yuuri on the cheek, and cuddles him from behind.

Yuuri reluctantly lets this one pass.

* * *

 _3._

"Yuuri! Check this, a soulmate AU."

He leans in to see at Viktor's phone screen.

"Major character death. I'll pass."

* * *

 _4._

But the things would not go as smoothly forever.

"Did you just. Send me a fanfiction. Where you, me, and Emil have a kinky threesome?"

"Yes!" he nods in excitement. "I thought it was hilarious."

"You're not... trying to tell me something, are you?"

Viktor lookes up in confusion. "Huh? What do you mean, Yuuri?"

A deep sigh leaves Yuuri's mouth. "Nevermind."

 _This is too much,_ he thinks.

Yes. Yuuri will have to acknowledge the problem for what it is.

* * *

 _5._

Phichit is having a nice Saturday night, when his phone goes off - Yuuri's ugly selfie is smiling at him from his screen, and Phichit quickly accepts the call. But before he can say hello, his best friend bombards him with complaints in a particularly angry tone.

Conveniently, Phichit's mind goes completely blank and shuts off. It's about seven minutes of white noise that he hears, before he finally snaps back to reality. "-and you're the worst person in the entire world!"

"What did I ever do to you?" he whines.

 _"I recognized your username!_ fabulouschulanont! _If you tried to be inconspicous, you have failed! It's the same you use for Skype!"_

Phichit's eyes widen in realization, as his breath catches for the moment.

Oh.

 _Oh._

So Yuuri found out about this.

That is bad.

"Yuuri, if it's about the Eros compilation on pornhub, _I swear I had nothing to do with it!"_ Which was, in all honesty, the truth.

"The WHAT on WHERE?!"

"I WOULDN'T DO IT TO YOU AND CHRIS. YOU'RE MY FRIENDS! IT ISN'T MY ACCOUNT, I SWEAR ON MY SOUL."

Yuuri's response is more of a reflex than anything, "YOU DON'T HAVE ANY."

A pause.

Then, a baffled voice, "Wait, so the ao3 account is just a coincidence, too? It's just a random fan who happened to choose the username that is the same as the one you have for Skype?"

Oh! That.

And so the truth is out. "... No-no, that one's... mine," he admits.

"... Phichit... you are." Yuuri struggles to find a word for a moment there. "Sick."

 _"I knoowwww. I'm sorry,"_ he says.

 _I'm not,_ he thinks, but Yuuri doesn't have to know that.

"But I gotta admit, your writing is decent," which makes Phichit light up like a Christmas tree. He suspects Yuuri said that to cheer him up about the entire fiasco, to reassure him, they're still friends.

Phichit _does_ appreciate it a lot, in fact.

"Thanks, pal!" he says, cheerfully.

"But seriously. Stop writing _things_ about me, Viktor, and other ice skaters."

"Hey!" he protests in his defense. "That one was hilarious, I'll have you know! One of my best works, if I do say so myself. I say so."

"Viktor thought so, too."

"Really?" his eyes widen. "Aww, that's making me blush!"

"And that's a problem, Phichit! A serious one! He's obsessed! He's waking me up at night to talk about the fanfiction he's read. HE HAS EVEN FOUND MY SELF-INSERT FROM FOREVER AGO!" Oh, the sweet desperation in his voice would give Phichit life, if he was a worse friend. But since he isn't - he's flawless as a friend, really, in all his modesty, Phichit decides to show some sympathy.

"Ouch. I see your problem. Does he know?"

"OF COURSE HE DOESN'T."

"Oh. Well," he hums. Then, an idea sparks in his mind. "I can write about something else for now? Something more... probable? More realistic?" An idea that _practically writes itself!_

"That would be appreciated, actually!" says Yuuri in relief. "Thank you!"

"No problem!" he beams.

If Yuuri later tells you there was something sinister in his laugh, _do not_ believe him!

Phichit Chulanont is innocent in this.

* * *

 _+1._

"Yuuri!"

"What is it, Viktor?"

"Check this out! _'Five Times Phichit Chulanont Accidentally Fucked Up And One Time He Did It On Purpose'_ written by _fabulouschulanont_."

Yuuri quirks an eyebrow. More realistic, huh?

Five minutes into the reading, Viktor exclaims, "How do they know I'm into fanfiction now?"

Yuuri's eye twitches.


End file.
